I'm starting to finalize in my mind that moving out of my home is the best option, but how to get started?

First of all, let me give some small details and say that I am a 19 year old University drama student. Drama is one of my biggest passions in life and I love it. That’s part of the reason why I want to leave because unfortunately, I’ve grown up in an abusive home with lots of fighting and violence. I’m telling you, I would have nightmares about my father coming to kill me. Okay, maybe he never would do that, but still, a little kid can only feel so safe. I remember one dream we had where I actually did not have a dad and my mom brought a statue home that looked just like him. Well, I was somewhat fascinated by it. Then, he actually came to life and wanted to put my on his shoulders, just like most dads. Well, once he did, he started walking towards the ceiling fan and it was going real fast. I was terrified, I tried to get out, but I was trapped. As soon as I hit it, I woke up.

My past experience with my family is an extremely long story, one that I do not feel like telling. So I will just say that I want to leave and start my life over because I don’t feel as if I had the chance to live. Currently I’m going to school with student loans, and now that I mentioned the word loan, I’m going to get at least 20 idiots on here advertising fake loan companies. Happens all the time. Anyways, I have ,944 in my account and 60 bucks on hand that I withdrew because I needed to buy a pair of headphones (music is the only thing that keeps me sane, and I need to listen to it quietly). I’ll probably just deposit it all later. I also have change that I roll, and sometimes it’s better the way because it’s harder to spend money if I have change. I’m trying to be a lot smarter with me money because the first year I probably spent a little more than I should have on junk food, but thankfully I am a fairly responsible person. I have a bike, so I don’t need a car. If I have to, I take the bus or walk everywhere. I don’t need fancy or junk food; I can survive on basics. Books I can always checkout from the library.

I should also bring up that I suffer from social anxiety due to living in this environment. I want to find a job, but the anxiety is heavily preventing me from doing so. I’m thinking that maybe if I leave home first, then I can find a job, but I don’t know how smart this is. Once I stop going to school, I’ll have to pay back lots of money, and I don’t want to rack up dept just like that. Because of the anxiety, living with a roommate would also be a huge problem, and I don’t really have any friends or family I can stay with. Again, I’m thinking that once I start living on my own, the anxiety will get better. After all, I actually had the chance to act out in the big city in my province (living in Canada here) and I felt loads better and somewhat less anxious. Once I got home, I felt that way for days, then returned to normal. I’ve already taken the steps to get over my anxiety, but something is still holding me back. Perhaps I could start off living alone, then maybe I might actually make more friends and will be able to have a roommate. Also, my sister moved across the country to live on her own, but had to come home because she couldn’t afford it, and I know her as a very temperamental person. When she came home, she seemed like she was a lot happier, but of course, she reverted back to her usual self.

So I’m sure you want me to stop writing now. The point is that I’m now starting to think that leaving is my best option and not as impossible as I once thought. I just need some tips and advice from people. I have no problem with living cheap and making sacrifices.

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Tags: ceiling fan, checkout, dad, drama student, headphones, junk food, libr, little kid, loan companies, mom, money, music, nightmares, passions, responsible person, shoulders, student drama, student loans, university drama, violence

ceiling bike rack | admin December 20, 2010

1 Comment to “I'm starting to finalize in my mind that moving out of my home is the best option, but how to get started?”

By MissPriss, December 20, 2010 @ 8:50 pm

Can you live in residence? Does your school have student housing? that might be a start — you could live away from home for the school year and see how you like it without burning any bridges at home or spending a lot of money.

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